Post #1: Best News Ever

So this is how my journey into Nana land got started. Although it was three years ago, I am hoping you will not mind going back in time to enjoy all the minute details of the journey. And I promise to intermittently skip to my present Nana experiences so you will know what’s going on with me in real time.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

My daughter Stacy and I had a scheduled phone call at noon where I was at home in the Boston area, which would be 7 am for Stacy where she was in Hawaii for a marine biology meeting. I was especially interested to hear how plans were developing for her Aussie boyfriend’s move from Australia to Fiji, where Stacy had been living for quite some time, working as a program director for the New York based Wildlife Conservation Society. I knew that Jason had recently interviewed for a head chef position with the owners of a charming restaurant in Suva, Fiji’s capital where Stacy was based.

Holding back on delivering my news of minor importance from recent travels in Switzerland, I initially asked, “So what’s going on with you & Jason?”

Without so much as any cautionary warning of surprising news to come or gentle suggestion that I might want to hear this sitting down, Stacy immediately replied, "I think I may be pregnant." I was almost breathless, and wordless, which is fairly unusual for me. I had been wanting to be a grandmother for about ten years, and more recently had been getting grandma envy as so many of my friends and relatives were becoming grandparents.

Not that I am unaware of how conception typically occurs, I think my next words were "How do you know?"

"I missed my period," said Stacy. Then I heard something else like, "I'm getting sick."

"You're feeling sick?" I repeated.

"No," said Stacy, "I peed on a stick. It changed color." Now I got it, Stacy had taken a home pregnancy test. Of course, I knew of them, but I had no personal experience with such apparatus. I was bowled over and ecstatic all at once, and in a slight state of shock.

In New York City with Stacy, November, 2015, preparing for pregnancy

"I am standing in my bedroom,” I lightheartedly admonished Stacy, “rather jet-lagged from travels, holding a mug of coffee, which I could have dropped on my carpet from the shock. You could have at least warned me to sit down or something.”

Mixed feelings were coursing through my body and thoughts were criss-crossing through my brain. I was emotionally thrilled but rationally knew to be cautious at this very early stage of gestation. Stacy and Jason had been conducting a long-distance romance for a year, but I knew that Jason had just been visiting Stacy in Fiji at the end of November. But it was only mid-December at the point when Stacy was announcing her likely pregnancy, so very, very new. But I could definitely tell how happy she was to tell me, and I was even more thrilled to hear this news.

When Stacy and I were together in New York earlier that November, she had already informed me that she had stopped taking her birth control pills. In October, Stacy had turned 40 years old, so her biological clock was ticking loudly. She had finally found a man with whom she wanted to share her life and begin a family, and the feeling between them was mutual. Of course, I hoped it would all work out for her sake, and selfishly for me and my husband Jesse too, as Stacy was literally holding all our eggs in her one basket (as we had lost Ben, our only other child, nine years prior). But except for hearing often that women were having children at much later ages, I had little experience with middle-age pregnancies. By today’s standards, I was a relatively young 24 year-old when I got pregnant with Stacy. So even though Stacy had stopped birth control, I did not know how easy or difficult it would be for her to get pregnant, or whether long term use of birth control might impede current pregnancy attempts.

Well, it appeared, that in Stacy's case, her fertility was ready and waiting. Even Stacy was surprised, noting, "So many of my friends have had a hard time getting pregnant, so I had no idea it would happen so soon." I might also observe that there were less opportunities with their long-distance romance, whose trysts may not have exactly coincided with ovulation. Well, apparently the proverbial stars, in this case eggs and sperm, were aligned for Stacy and Jason.

Comments and questions came randomly tumbling out of me. "I know it's really early, but have you calculated when you might be due?"

"Probably early to mid-August," is what I think Stacy said, as the questions were rapidly formulating in my over-stimulated brain.

"So I suppose you are going to seek obstetrical confirmation when you return to Fiji? Do you know of a doctor to go to? Do they have good doctors for that? As I think this would be considered a high-risk pregnancy."

"I'm not high risk," bristled Stacy. "I'm very fit. I'm in really good shape."

"Yes, I know you're in good shape," I countered placatingly, "but from my admittedly limited knowledge, in the U.S. your pregnancy would be considered high risk just because of your age, regardless of how fit you are."

"Anyway, I have to figure out where to have the baby," said Stacy. "I don't think it's a good idea to give birth in Fiji."

Phew, I was really glad to hear that Stacy had already come to that conclusion. When I had shared the news of Stacy's going off birth control to my close cousin & dear friend Claudia, her immediate reaction had been to question where Stacy would give birth. Claudia's concern came from too much unwanted experience in childbirth complications as her daughter-in-law had a frighteningly horrendous, two-months premature birth earlier that year, landing tiny baby Patrick in the NICU for 6 weeks while parents Margaret and Jonathan were unceremoniously taking crash courses in prenatal care. I am happy to report that baby Patrick has done exceedingly well, but in truth, without the highly experienced medical staff and sophisticated technology of NYU Hospital neither Margaret or Patrick might even be with us today.

That said, I replied to Claud, "Let's just see if and when Stacy actually gets pregnant. Then we'll discuss where she'll give birth,” I had added, not wanting to put the proverbial (again) cart before the horse.

Yet admittedly, I too was less than confident that adequate obstetrical care could be provided for mother and/or baby in the underdeveloped island nation of Fiji, in the unfortunate event of a complicated delivery. So I was especially glad that Stacy had come to that conclusion before I even voiced the concern.

"Of course, you could come and stay here," I offered spontaneously, imagining the win-win situation of having our daughter give birth near us and the excellent medical care in the Boston area.

"No, I don't want to come to Boston to have the baby,” retorted Stacy emphatically, nixing my vision of early grandmother-ing in my suburban Boston home.

"Well, that does hurt my feelings, Stacy," I countered, as it felt like Stacy's was summarily dismissing the locale where she originally came from and where her parents had lived for four decades.

"I was already thinking about going to Australia, maybe Brisbane, for a couple months, since it is a lot closer to Fiji, and Jason is an Aussie, and I am thinking about the baby's citizenship, etc."

I was, in fact, somewhat surprised and impressed that, during this relatively short gestational time period, Stacy had already done quite a lot of thinking and investigating.

"Well, that does make sense,” I tentatively re-considered, “although you know I would love to have you here with us, and we can vouch for the medical care. But let's just erase that brief baby birth location controversy," I added, wanting to eliminate any negativity in this predominantly wonderful and much longed-for conversation.

"I am so excited to tell Dad about this,” I said to Stacy, “but as you might recall from my email, he went directly from Switzerland to Israel for meetings. He usually calls me every day, so I will wait to talk with him, as I don't want to send him this special news in an email. And I may want to suggest to him to 'sit down' before informing him."

As we were concluding one of the most memorable phone conversations of my life (which is a big part of the reason that I decided to write all this down, so it will remain in my memory), I observed to Stacy, "I realize this is all very early, and you probably want to keep this under wraps till all is confirmed and gestating healthily, but I am so excited and have a tremendous urge to tell someone! Can I just tell Carol?"

"Sure, go ahead," agreeably replied Stacy to my informing my sister, but also echoing the sentiment to primarily keep this secret.

"That's great. Take care of yourself and whatever is growing inside." I said something like that as my head was in a total happiness haze. "Hope to be in touch soon. Keep me posted. Love you."

Wow, was I ever thrilled and so excited to get the green light to share. There was hardly any time between my hanging up with Stacy and placing the call to Carol.

"So are you sitting down?" were my first words.