Post #14: During Stacy's Last Trimester

So by the time Stacy was entering into her third trimester, she was a frequent topic of inquiry and conversation, especially at family gatherings.

About the middle of May (2016) I went with several of my women relatives to a cousins’ getaway in Stowe, Vermont. We toured the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream factory, unavoidably exiting through the gift shop. I gravitated to the children’s area and found an adorable baby T-shirt with the Ben & Jerry’s logo imprinted “Half-pint.” Could not resist buying it.

The following weekend we were with lots of family on the Jupiter side of the family. As with my cousins, one particular question was often asked: "Do you think Stacy will ever move back to the US?"

This was my usual response: "Not any time soon, but I don't know in the far future. She did tell me that she isn’t sure whether Fiji will be a good place for schooling her child. But she does not say that will bring her back to the US, but mentions that she could do her job as WCS Regional Director of Melanesia from Australia. Maybe she will feel differently when she has a child and may want to be closer to family. And of course, I wish Stacy was not so far away. But I have always said, to myself and to others, if I had to choose between Stacy’s living closer to us or having her own family, I would pick the latter scenario. I have to just be thankful for the arrival of our grandson.

But I am too old and spoiled to travel so far away in uncomfortable coach class. I intend to use airline points or expensive airfare to book business class tickets. So if Stacy continues to live abroad, I say somewhat jokingly, I will just have to spend her inheritance on our transportation to visit her."

Of course, I always wanted to hear Stacy’s latest news from her too. So I emailed her on the pretense, "Lots of family are asking me, ‘How is Stacy?’ They are all interested to know how you are doing. xoxo mom"

Stacy replied, “Recently returned from Indonesia for work. Have finally recovered from travel, though I am involved in a workshop here today and tomorrow. Jason has a rare 1/2 day off so cooking up a feast for us.

The dog [Jason’s] and cats [hers] are amazingly getting along and all will sit together with us on the veranda like one big family. My belly is expanding, but still feeling pretty good (though getting tired again more easily). Tell everyone thanks for their well wishes.”

Then I sent another email to Stacy with the subject line "Just wondering ..." and wrote: “I realize that you had an OB [obstetrical] check-up, etc., in Brisbane a couple weeks ago. I assume all was well? any other new information?

What is your anticipated due date at this point? Still Aug 22?”

Stacy emailed, “Yes, all was well at the OB visit. Did some final tests which were all normal. Due date is still around Aug 22.”

As time went on, I continued to add to my collection of baby items, piling them in "Stacy’s bedroom" in our house for transport to Australia. Remembering that I might have an old baby blanket, I searched a linen closet, and did indeed find the pretty blanket of blue, yellow & white colors that Jesse’s mother Miriam had crocheted for our baby Benjamin. It was still in fairly good condition, just needing a gentle washing and freshening. I sent a photo of the blanket to Jesse’s sister and niece, who were happy to know about passing on a special family heirloom.

In the meantime I was also working on a "virtual baby shower" to which family and friends would be "invited," if they would like to shower Stacy with baby gifts. So Stacy might need to create a gift registry. Fortunately, our nephew Eric’s wife Becca, already a mother of two children, said she had a list of baby needs that she would send to me.

So in early June I emailed Stacy:

“I would like to work with you this month in putting together a ‘virtual baby shower’ with baby registry. My thoughts are ...

1. It would be great for you to create an online baby registry with Amazon or Buy Buy Baby or any other popularly used company, indicating delivery of gifts to our Weston address

2. I will send an email to close friends and family (many of whom have already been asking me how they can send gifts) inviting them to this "virtual baby shower," explaining the complications of direct mail to Fiji

3. I can bring some of the packable gifts with me to Brisbane when I join you for the baby’s birth, taking extra checked luggage.

4. I will research sending some larger items and those for later baby use, etc., through an overseas delivery company to you in Fiji

I hope that all sounds good, but of course, open to your thoughts.”

Becca sent me an enormously comprehensive and annotated list of baby needs which I forwarded to Stacy with a note: “Becca’s list might be helpful for your registry, recognizing your baby needs might be different given your Fiji lifestyle and personal preferences. But it might provide a good starting point.”

Becca’s list included recommendations for bath products, diapers, wipes, swaddle blankets, diaper pails, video monitor, bottles, bottle drying rack, burp cloths, nursing pillow, breast pump, car seat, stroller, bassinet, activity mat, swing, and her most helpful baby books, “The Happiest Baby” and “Baby 411.”

Stacy replied: “Thanks. Will go through everything tomorrow. I am getting to the stage where just existing is extremely uncomfortable. The baby is sitting really high - right under my ribs - and I can't wear any of my bras without extreme pain, plus I can't eat very much or I get major indigestion and heartburn.

Will have to try to find some bras with wider bands (and no underwire) tomorrow.”

Of course, I was very sympathetic to Stacy’s pregnancy complications. As anyone who has been pregnant knows, the joys of pregnancy come with uncomfortable issues even in the best of circumstances. During my two pregnancies my ordinarily healthy and cooperative body felt like it had been invaded by aliens. In addition to the expected weight gain, I was beset by frequent urination, incontinence from sneezing or laughing, an aching back, and difficulty finding any comfortable position to sleep at night.

So I replied to Stacy: “Sorry to hear about the difficulties you are experiencing in your last trimester. I hope you finally shed the flu and find some more comfortable under garments. Have you checked with your OB docs [in Fiji and Brisbane] about the problems you are having with the bra pain and indigestion? Just to find out if they are within normal limits? Or if there might be further issues to investigate? I imagine being in a very hot and humid climate can feel pretty uncomfortable too during your pregnancy.

When you feel better and would like to Skype, let me know.

lots of love and hoping you are feeling better. xoxo mom”

To which Stacy replied:

“I'll go see my OB here next week. I just really need to get some other bras as essentially my middle has popped out from right beneath my breasts, so the circumference around my torso is much wider. I googled it and it seems to be a common problem with women whose babies are sitting really high. Unfortunately, there aren't many undergarment options here in Fiji (and I've been too sick all week to go shopping), but I'll see what I can find tomorrow. The heartburn is also unfortunately a totally normal pregnancy symptom, made worse by the baby sitting high and pressing on my stomach. There just isn't enough room in there! I keep telling him to move down but he's not listening. At least when I get to Brisbane, after the first week for the conference, I don't really have to go out and see anyone so I can just not wear a bra and lie around all the time to get comfortable.”

Thank goodness for Google accessibility in a third world country. I was in civilized, well-informed Boston during my pregnancies in the 1970’s but I usually saved my pregnancy questions for OB check-up appointments or nurse-led prenatal classes.

Stacy soon created her baby registry on amazon.com by choosing the majority of suggestions from Becca's detailed list. But I was quite interested in the other items our island-living, sporty, marine biologist daughter added to her online registry. The marine theme featured highly: fish design clothes, shark bib and booties, “Little Shark” book, baby’s first fishbowl and ocean animal water squirty toys. And Stacy also included other cute clothes in designs of sports, puppies, dinosaurs and pirates; sun protective hat and swim suit; the “Peek-a-boo Forest” book, and the all-important sport utility jogging stroller and coordinating infant car seat.

I sent my sister Carol a preview of Stacy's Amazon baby registry. Carol and our sister-in-law Tracy generously decided to buy the largest and most expensive item, the jogging stroller. But how to get it to Stacy was going to be the challenge. Shipping the $400 stroller directly from Amazon to Brisbane would cost an additional $188, which seemed quite a lot to us. So I asked Stacy, on our next Skype call, if it might be better to buy a stroller and car seat in Australia.

"No, I don't want to do that," emphatically said my 7-months pregnant, still busily working daughter, highly irritated at my suggestion. "I already spent five hours researching this. I don't have any more time to spend on this."

So I thought I would do some research of my own. I looked up online whether the BOB company that sells both Stacy’s selected stroller and car seat might sell their products in Australia. Although they had a sales presence in Australia, they did not appear to be selling the exact items that Stacy had selected. I didn't want to upset Stacy to suggest she pick alternate products from their line. I am sure I spent five hours on this too. Anyway, I just told Carol to have the stroller sent to me. I presumed that there must be some alternative international shipping options to be found.

In the meantime, I created a "virtual shower" online invitation to be sent to family and close friends. The invitation, headed by a watercolor type image of Jason and Stacy, indicated:

You are cordially invited by Grandmother-to-be Beryl Jupiter to a “Virtual" Baby Shower for Stacy Jupiter ... Because … it is virtually impossible for Stacy to be in the United States toward the end of her pregnancy … or to have packages reliably handled by the Fiji postal service. Expecting Baby Boy Jupiter Allport, due August 22, 2016.

The full text of the invitation is in the copy printed below:

Virtual Shower Invitation

The response was immediate and overwhelming. A tower of Amazon packages took over my living room. My next challenge was figuring out how to get all the gifts across the Pacific.

Virtual shower gifts from Amazon baby registry