Post #2: Having Trouble Keeping a Secret

Continuing on Dec 15, 2015

I was bursting at the seams to relay the incredibly good news to Carol, but yet cautiously acknowledging the very early timing of the assumed condition and the need to keep this between us until the pregnancy was confirmed and somewhat more advanced. Just as I expected that Carol would be, she was also thrilled for Stacy and her parents. Carol asked a question that had not even occurred to me. "Will Stacy stop scuba diving during her pregnancy?"

And indeed, it was quite an important question since Stacy dove fairly often as a marine biologist specializing in coral reef conservation.

"Diving didn't even come up in our conversation," I said. "There was so much else going through my head, but that's a very good question, so I certainly will ask her about that." And I did so in a message, receiving her succinct answer, "No diving."

So after going over with Carol pretty much all the particulars and emotions of my conversation with Stacy that I could recall, given my state of semi-shock, I reminded Carol that we had to keep this happy news event a secret between us sisters for the time being. Even though I was wanting to shout and tell the world. However, my urge to announce was rationally tempered by envisioning the highly depressing scenario of un-telling the world due to some unfortunate early pregnancy termination.

At least by the next day my husband Jesse called from Israel and I was able to inform him. Of course, he was happy just like me, but with somewhat more caution due to the quite early gestational development, the absence of direct medical corroboration, and his precautionary attitude as a highly experienced medical professional.

Curiously, none of us, including Stacy, me, Carol or Jesse, had mentioned the word "marriage." That's our modern culture these days, unbound by past traditions, such that babies often arrive before wedding plans, especially in mature couples, and even more frequently among oft-publicized couplings of celebrities.

In fact, when Jesse and I had visited Stacy in Fiji in June that year and met Jason, I had a surprising breakfast conversation coming from a couple who were not even engaged. As Stacy had told me before, to my chagrin, she was insistently not interested in a big wedding ceremony and celebration. No preference of mine to host a wedding like the many lovely nuptial events of friends and relations which I had attended over the years was going to change that.

Telluride Christmas, December, 2016, letting the secret out among dear friends

But, as I was told, Stacy and Jason would likely get married, and they both wanted to have a baby.

"So which do you expect to happen first," I had asked, "marriage or a pregnancy?"

Stacy shrugged, indicating she didn't know. Jason looked at Stacy, as if to say that he would defer to her. So I said, "I suppose if I had the choice between giving you a wedding or becoming a grandmother, I would have to pick grandmother."

Wednesday, December 16

And now my longtime wish was coming true. I was ecstatic, but admittedly, cautiously so. The hard part was keeping the exciting news predominantly secret from family and friends. When I played tennis at our club the next day after receiving the BIG news, I had the urge to inform but could not say anything about Stacy to the women in my doubles game or to other longtime tennis friends who I encountered at the club, many of whom happened to be new grandmothers. Later that day, I voluntarily wrapped gifts several hours at a shopping mall to raise money for a charitable organization, followed by a dinner date with a longtime friend who was also volunteering. I had a lot of catching up to do with Joyce, presently a grandmother of four who had known Stacy since her childhood, but I had to hold my tongue about Stacy's condition. Not so easy to do with the news bursting to erupt from me.

Thursday, December 17

I had a morning hair appointment with my also longtime (at least 30 years) stylist Diane who naturally knew Stacy from her youth and often inquired about her. Since I typically have my hair colored every three weeks, Diane was usually up to date about Stacy's activities, and already knew there was a serious boyfriend in the picture of late.

"So how's Stacy doing?" inquired Diane. That gave me an opening, especially since I completed trusted the confidentiality of our personal care/chair relationship. (And everyone knows that "only your hairdresser knows for sure!" Right?) I knew that Diane would be both delighted to hear the news as well as unquestionably willing to keep the secret at my request. And of course, I was thrilled to share the news with one more person, and Diane could not be happier for Stacy.

Later that day I was bringing birthday lunch to my dear friend Susan DiMartino, who tragically had been undergoing treatment since July for a shocking and nasty diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. Despite difficult courses of chemotherapy with attendant side effects of hair loss and digestive disturbances to say the least, Susan had presented an amazingly upbeat and optimistic attitude. As the conversation evolved to mentioning miracles, I recognized that Susan would greatly appreciate hearing some fairly miraculous news from the Jupiter family. Prefacing that this news was to be totally kept secret, I told Susan about Stacy's early pregnancy. Susan was, indeed, delighted for us. And admittedly, I was probably even more glad to selectively share our news.

So I was not exactly limiting my Stacy news to only Carol, but I knew the headlines would not be further spread by my other chosen recipients.

On the night of December 17, I had a long-planned date with another longtime and close friend. Since Trudi and I were going to dinner followed by a jazz performance, we would be spending a good deal of time together. Vowing to myself to keep Stacy's news a secret this time, I managed to keep any conversation about Stacy revolving around Jason's plans to move to Fiji and work in a restaurant there.

Friday, December 18

But as you may be getting the picture here, this long awaited news was an enormously difficult secret to keep to myself. I had been undeniably waiting and wishing for this development for years. So the next day, when our longtime employee Vinny came to houseclean I admittedly shared the "secret" with him. He too was thrilled to hear the news about Stacy and our impending grandparenthood, insisting it was worthy of a rare but mutual hug between us. I certainly knew Vinny well enough that, as with my hair stylist Diane, my secret would be safe with him.

Later that day, I spoke again with Stacy, just as she was concluding her Hawaii business trip. She had repeated the pregnancy test, and the positive color was getting stronger. All signs were pointing to a viable pregnancy. Even though I had shared the news with few people, I admitted to Stacy, keeping the pregnancy secret was excruciatingly difficult for me. My celebratory inclination was to share widely with close family and friends with whom I communicated often, or the cousins with whom I was currently planning a trip together, or Swiss friends with whom I had recently been discussing the grandparent subject, or during day-to-day encounters with friends. The list was immediate and endless. I was almost having to bite my lips in conversation. It was such a juicy piece of news to keep to myself. Logically, I judiciously recognized the value of holding back at such an early stage, and Jesse was even more reticent to disseminate this news.

Meanwhile, Stacy was already trying to figure out how she was going to keep this secret from her friends and work associates on her return to Fiji, especially with all the festive holiday parties where she would be uncharacteristically abstaining from alcoholic beverages.

Given Stacy's new condition, we were talking more frequently than usual. We caught up by Skype a few days later when she was back in Suva. Unfortunately, she had developed a nasty cold, but on the positive side the cold was providing a reasonable excuse for alcohol abstention. Had she contacted doctors in Fiji, I wanted to know. Stacy had spoken to her internist who was referring her to an obstetrician but everything was pretty quiet work-wise in Fiji with the approach of the holidays. Likely she would see the OB in the new year.

"So speaking of the holidays," I reminded Stacy, "Dad and I are heading to Telluride for the holiday week. And we're going to be spending lots of time with the Hastings. Do you think I can tell them about you? They would be so excited to hear this news."

"It's OK to tell them," Stacy answered, to my relief, that we could inform our longtime friends Bettie and Hill, with whom we would be celebrating both Christmas and New Year's Eve. In fact, the Hastings were new grandparents, as their daughter Peiper just had a baby in the summer. And Stacy, Jesse and I had attended Peiper’s Telluride wedding the prior year.

"Anyway, Jason's telling everyone," Stacy said. But Jason was living in Australia and we were not about to start sharing this early news all over America.

Holiday week

So it was absolutely exhilarating to announce our happy news to the Hastings family during the holidays, and they were just as thrilled for Stacy and us. That's not to say it was easy to otherwise keep the secret from all the other people we have known for years at our Telluride lodge, especially the ones who directly asked about Stacy. (As I am writing and re-reading, I realize I could use some more synonyms for thrilled, delighted and excited!)

One of Stacy's best friends, Amy West, who hails from Durango, Colorado, was in Telluride briefly and dropped by to visit me and Jesse. "So I guess you've heard the news from Stacy about Jason's moving to Fiji," I said to Amy.

"Yes, and the other news too," Amy replied to my surprise.

Not certain about what Amy knew, I was still a bit circumspect, as I countered, "The news about, uh ... "

"Yes, that she's pregnant," Amy filled in.

"Well, I didn't want to be the one to say that," I told Amy, "as I had no idea whether Stacy had told you yet. But that sure makes it easier for me."